Company’s Conference...by Jamil Shawwa

It is very early in the morning, around 6:30 AM, employees of the company from different locations and operations are starting to arrive at the conference location resided in a hotel adjacent to a university. The conference itself will not start until 9:00 AM but with traffic anticipation, it is better to arrive a little or too early rather than arriving late; you might miss the continental breakfast, Translation: Tea, Coffee, Juices, Croissant and pastries. The first thing after the arrival was to locate the entrance, then the room itself then the other related objects that are necessary to make the conference successful i.e.: restrooms, smoking section, etc after that think of planning the way back after the conference ends, you know, you have to think out of the box and of the traffic around the nations’ capital. In the midst of all these planning, the conference reason might become irrelevant, at least to most of the participants, they are just excited to get away from the office and have free beverages, breakfast and lunch, these conferences happen just once or twice a year, so you have to take advantage here of the seasonal corporate generosity. The attendant or the receptionist who has been doing the same exciting and challenging job for over twenty yeas -preparing the name tags, setting up the tables with the appropriate numbers, making sure that each table has water, glasses, pads and pens for those that pretend that they are actively participating and taking notes, was there trying to smile and laugh at jokes made by smart people trying to be very funny at that very early hour in the morning, already prepared the name tags, you pick yours, make sure that your name is spelled correctly, as a matter of fact, it is just psychological, even if your name is spelled wrong, it is too late to correct. Once you are done with your nametag, and placing it usually on the upper left corner of your blazer, it is business casual, no need for a tie, though some wore them, as for the female participants, mostly trousers and jackets, not many skirts today. Inside the conference room, there are twelve tables with eight seats at each one, and your tag has a number as well as your name so you know where to set, you cannot change tables if you see an exciting woman setting at a table that is not yours and you cannot throw a smart remark here or there, you have to act professionally even if you are not and pretend that you are serious and composed. The conference is starting to take place, the tables are getting filled, people saying hello to those that they know or they do not know, remember, everyone should act friendly, you cannot set alone and frown, they might think that you are not a team player, Translation: put-up with the silly stuff and pretend that you care about others and that you prefer the team over yourself- tall order here- otherwise some might think that you are politically incorrect or the worst, mentally challenged. The top executives are on table twelve, notice not table one, they arrived with their laptops, sat down, opened their laptops, their Black Berry, and acted as if they were dragged to be here and not to be bothered at least not until the conference starts, and then they can put on their motivating hats and play the game. The humming and the chatting is all over and all of sudden, number two started to talk, an introduction as why is the meeting taking place and you start hearing the clichés, new terms in the corporate words; moving the needle, do not drop the ball- Translation: the first, do above and beyond, the second, take responsibility. Might consider the other guy, Translation: the competition. Do not focus on the price, Translation: sell the company and the products. Wrap it up, Translation: not sure, but you cannot interrupt. He then introduced the big one, the top executive who before the introduction has left his seat at that famous number 12, and went at the end of the room, where I was seated- usually, my table is at the far end of the room, I have a nice view though- the big one comes running, as soon as the introduction is made, from the end to the front as if someone is after him with a stick, and he starts looking, surveying the place not believing that he has hired all these people, Translation: losers, those employees, looking at their watches and wondering what is it for lunch. Anyway, the big one starts to talk about the bigger picture, see, number two talked about the big one, but number one talks about the bigger ones. As you reach higher position, your talk focuses on big stuff and not small stuff that are left for people like me for example. The higher you are the closer you get to the sky and the smaller things look to you. Once you are on top, you really cannot see anybody but yourself, you are kind of above the clouds. So usually, the conference starts on earth and ends up on earth and the skies are in between the start and the end. The big one also has to come up with his own words of wisdom, he cannot leave the stage wide open to number two so he also starts talking about how it is all about people, Translation: the little people. And that you- the small guys- are the engine that runs the company, translation: you are nobody. That if change to be made, it has to be made by you and no one else, Translation: again, you are nobody, do not fool yourself or/and we will fire a bunch of you soon, so I am giving you a heads- up. He then got warmed up and started to critique the operations and how we are like little islands- he is correct here- that we do not talk to each other and that has to be changed, not sure when though. Once he warmed up completely, he started rolling by saying; you are the first line of defense, Translation: again, you are nobody. Keep the momentum going, Translation: otherwise, you will be fired. All sounded perfect, but what is it for lunch, whispered one unmotivated and ungrateful participant. By the time the big one finished, he disappeared from the room and left it to number two who himself started to look hungry after that big motivating speech and was saved by the bill, when the clock hit 12:15 PM, Lunchtime. As all know, you need to organize lunch, that was maybe the most challenging part of this conference, how can you organize the people's movement towards the lunch buffet next door, the stampede started to happen, the huddle started to form, when all of a sudden, number two said that it all starts and ends here, Translation: company's success and not yours and the way we organize lunch lines, so we go to lunch but we must go by the order we are seated. Again, mine was the last table, and I had to wait.