The Iraqi Donkeys Association…….by Jamil Shawwa

Four stories- all are real and that is the beauty of it- in the news last week inspired me to write this one. 

It started few days ago, as I was browsing the newspapers, I came across a very exciting piece of news about my favorite animal, the Jackass. The news stated that in Kurdistan Iraq- see, Iraq now in actuality is divided between the Shiite, the Sunni and the Kurds- where the rich soil of oil exists and still new fields to be discovered- a political party by the name of the Iraqi Donkeys Association was licensed, was recognized and granted permission to operate by the regional Kurd government. 

I did not hear anything about taking the opinion of the central government in Baghdad, but anyway, no matter what is the opinion there, we all know that it is irrelevant, the Kurds run their affairs either Baghdad likes it or not. The president of Iraq is a Kurd now, a symbolic position as the actual power resides in the prime minister -Shiite- but still symbols matter in a country that has been suppressed under the former Baath party and other dictators since the bloody coup of 1958 that toppled and killed the royal Hashemite family, cousins of the current royal family in Jordan. 

Back to the donkey association; this political party elected a board of governors and gave the members titles range from mule- the result of a relation between a horse and a donkey- for the big ones, and donkey fort regular members or the rest. Their radio station brays and hee-haw all the time and the headquarter of the party is in a stable, that is a donkey’s stable. 

The second story came from Newark, New Jersey where the Mayor of that city decided as part of his brainstorming or his braying to eliminate the toilette papers from the restrooms of the government offices, imagine, even a real donkey would be embraced to do such thing. 

The third story came, where else, the former capital of the proletarians, Russia, where a group of Nouveau Riche business people decided to parachute a donkey for advertisement purposes. 

The fourth and last so far, you know, it is still open for more members to join- I can add as we speak or write or bray- came from the father and the symbol of the human Jackals, Kim Jung IL of North Korea who threatened to declare war against the United States of America. 

Anyway, as soon as the Iraqi Donkey Association heard of the other three related story, they issued a declaration announcing the beginning of regionalizing and globalizing the donkey association to be a power in the world today, I mean you have the EU, you have the UN, The Arab League, the African Union, and other unions, so why not the donkeys. 

Anyway, the Kurds of Iraq who established the association sent the invitations, and the delegates started to arrive in Erbil, the capital of Kurdistan in Iraq. The first to arrive was the big one and the inspiration, Kim Jung IL, then after that the Russian delegation headed by Vladdmir then came the Mayor of Newark. 

But all of a sudden while all the delegates were in the airport, two new planes asked for permission to land, oh, my God, screamed the head of the Iraqi donkeys association, we do not have enough hay to feed all these unexpected guests but wait a minute the uninvited guests were given permission to land: The first was Muammar Al-Gaddafi of Libya, the second plane had the Iranian Revolutionary guard symbol on it’s tale or bottom, it depends on how you look at things and how you look at Iran mullahs, and it carried Ahmadinejad the president of Iran accompanying him Hassan Nasrala (Rasputin Lebanon) of Hezbolla in Lebanon-another donkey and worst. 

The Iraqi said ok, no problem, the more the merrier. The delegates assembled in the big stable of the donkeys’ world headquarter and the first line of business was to elect the board of governors of the world donkey association.




 Here are the results:

Kim Jung IL: Chairman (son Kim Jong-un took over)

The Russians- Vladimir qualifies after the Russian olympics drugs usage elimination: Vice Chairman

And:

Gaddafi: Treasurer, you know. the oil money of Libya can buy all the hay the association needs. Gaddafi killed during the 'Arab Spring'

The Mayor of Newark-New Jersey: Chief Executive office- after his success to eliminate the toilet papers from the city offices; who can compete with that.

Hassan Nasrala-aka Rasputin: Chief Operating Officer- Do you blame them, he, in 2006, had Beirut burned run for its life

The host country head of the Iraqi donkeys association was elected director of recruitment; after all, he assembled all these geniuses.

Ahmadinejad: director of propaganda, who can beat him in this (no longer president, Hasan Rouhani replaced him both here and in Iran)

And the story continues; this is just the first chapter….

PS: I should not have announced this article on Facebook before actually publishing it, I got an email while writing from the Iraqi Donkeys Association chairman inviting me to cover the event or be on a video conference, and it seems that they appreciate my efforts to spread the hee-haw all over the world. I responded and I said how could I address such dignitaries, I am just a commoner. He responded back and said what about an honorary membership, I said thanks; I appreciate the gesture!

Updates 08/08/2010:

New board members:

1-Chavez: president of Venezuela...ongoing stupidity regarding attacking the US, nationalizing foreign investments, making his oil rich country an outlaw country, fighting with neighbors specially Colombia for n reason. (Chavez died and was replaced by worse-Maduro who is one of the top donkeys in the world of politics today.

2-Zardari: President of Pakistan: on an international Tour while his country is drowning under floods. (no longer president)

3-Abed Atwan, owner of Al-Quds Al-Arabi, an Arabic London based newspaper. Ongoing articles about the Middle East that show demagoguery beyond belief, expert in twisting the news and put a spin on everything that defies reality.

4-Dr. Laura Schlessinger, a famed psychiatrist turned a Jenny. Kept using the N-word, a degrading racial slur, on a radio show while talking to an African-American listener. She did it in a way that only a 'Jenny' would do.

5- Osama Saraya, The Egyptian daily newspaper Al-Ahram, editor in chief, who altered the picture of President Mubarak to make him look walking in the front, in the White House gathering of the Middle Eastern leaders prior to the resumption of the negotiations, rather than in the back as the actual picture showed. He admits and says that he did it as an Expressive picture to show Egypt's leading role in the resumption of the negotiations in The Middle East. (no more editor)

6- Sarah Palin, a US presidential wanna be, a loser as vice president nominee in the 2008 elections with the republican nominee John McCain. Used terms that are controversial to describe her critics, last but not least was her usage of “Blood Libel” to describe her critics who accused her that he political rhetoric has incited criminals like that one who did the random shooting in Arizona, which killed and injured many people including a congresswoman Giffords.

7- Donald Trump: For repeating efforts to make a jackass of himself. He has been relentless in pushing to join the group, and finally he got it. Trump earned the "honorific" for keep questioning President Obama credentials as a an American citizen. (Trump was elected President of the United States in November 2017)

Chapter II:

1- All the selected members must be alive, the board cannot make fun of the dead, and it would be disrespectful. Yes, the Iraqi Donkeys Association can behave better than some humans can sometimes.

2- Terrorists and killers are not included-while Nasrala qualifies as a killer her but he is a part of a game of politics in the Middle East. The Donkeys Association cannot have under its name, low life killers.

3-The board applies only to those who hold public office or public figures; regular, private citizens, friends, family, Facebook members and no social participants will ever be subject to such thing.

(Edited and updated as much as possible)