Negotiations....... المفاوضات by Jamil Shawwa

I have to admit that I have always dreamed to be a good negotiator; I do not think I am though. I am more into do this and do that rather than what do you think and how do you feel. Still I -depend on the situation and the issue- like to have a common ground with the people I am talking with, as long as at the end they follow my lead or at least do not push too much into this negotiations thing- notice that I said talking With rather than To, which indicates equality. The arts of diplomacy, political science, and business teach us that the best negotiations is the one that result in a win-win situation, meaning that all parties, or two parties get something or leave the table with minimum satisfaction. I can go back through history and learn that no negotiations that resulted in a win-lose situation has ever lasted. No negotiations that do not at the end or that do not at the beginning provide a platform for equal opportunities to present each case and argument would last and if it lasts, would not fly or get traction. When I used to travel- it has been few years- I have always read those magazines you find in the back seat of the seat in front of you on the plane- I fly coach, used to set next to the toilets at the end of the plane, it was fun- and I almost always used to find an ad for one of these business coaches that teach business people the art of negotiations or he used to claim that he knows. The title of that ad was and I quote" In life you do not get what you deserve but what you negotiate". I know there are variations to that quote but I have no doubt in mind that in general it is right. Whenever we approach negotiations, any negotiations, with the premise that I am right and you are wrong, then I do not think that anyone can win. In business as in politics, I really think that we have to come to the table with an open mind and heart. It is 100% ok to have demands, to have ideas, to believe that you have this right and that right, but it is not ok, it is not productive and it is not permissible, to come to the table thinking that you have an inherit right to something, that you are above the other and that other must obey and agree to your demands, otherwise - in your mind or action- you would think that person or persons are not peace loving people or that they are not as savvy in business as you are. Having claimed the above, I must say too, that if you are not smart enough, clever enough, just stay at home, do not cry foul if you lose the argument or the negotiations due to your own stupidity, forgive my Chinese. See, I told you that I am a bad negotiator; I have been saying or dictating what negotiations should be rather than leaving the definition to all of us to decide. Who do I think I am. For sure not clever.